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ABM
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Name: Darnell Country: United States State: Pennsylvania Metro: Philadelphia Birthday: 8/9/1986 Gender: Male
Interests: Angie!,Jeannie,DDR,Video Gamez, My Nizzles, My Drawingz, liftin weights, showin off, layin da smackdown, card throw vanishin, and swining around my pocket watch(R.I.P.),music, Japanese! Expertise: V 3.0-Counseling, personal searching, Sleeping, and looking foward to one day saving the art world Occupation: Student Industry: Media
Message: message meEmail: email me Website: visit my website AIM: n3gr0myndtrix MSN: explosive_Jin@hotmail.com
Member Since:
6/24/2002
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| [ Thinking about everything ]
I guess thats the best description of my state of being now-a-days. Laying up here with my Macbook Pro, and Mew blasting in my headphones "Sometimes Life isn't easy". You guys sure as hell ain't lie. To say I feel like a car stuck in a ditch would be throwing compliments to that situation. I'd love to blame my outlook on the future on my workplace, but I'd be passing the buck although its shown me the ugliest of people. After the great catastrophe I feel like I've had the life sucked out of me. Everything I cared about, and believed in before is gone.
That's a scary statement, considering what I believed in. The essential good, percervierence, honor, to do right by any means possible, I could go on forever. I gotta art show coming up in December, I can't even muster up enough something to create nothing, let alone make something. It hurts to be in that situation. It's much more than a creative block, it's like. an existance block. I'm not living at the moment, I'm just existing. Floating around aimlessly, no goal, no care. Just like the inmates I oversee in the jail cells. I'm here. Only.
I see many of my friends begining to flourish in their respective fields, going onto higher levels of education, making significant associations with people to further their careers. While I'm stuck in a catacomb of ignorance and bliss. Surrounded by people whos minds only have three settings, Food, Fighting and Sex. Even they appear happy. Locked in a box, whether is the jail cell, or the walls of our workplace. Everyone seems to be content. Everyone but me. I've been so many Darnells over this year, I done forgot which one was Darnell. If any at all.
Is this what I was to amount to? Years of hardwork, and optimism to be thrown away?
I try to take winning with a bit of humility, but losing. Losing I take very hard. and right now, I'm not winning a damn thing.
Well. Yep ^_^. S'all I got for now ladies and gents. abmthe[3]rd.
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| How could he know This new dawn's light Would change his life forever? Set sail to sea But pulled off course By the light of golden treasure Was he the one causing pain With his careless dreaming? Been afraid Always afraid Of the things he's feeling He could just be gone He would just sail on He'll just sail on How can I be lost, If I've got nowhere to go? Search for seas of gold How come it's got so cold? How can I be lost? In remembrance I relive And how can I blame you When it's me I can't forgive?
Metallica > Unforgiven 3
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| So today I went to work on public transportation in full uniform. *shakes head* Dashed out the house for fear of being late, i ran up the block. partially terrified because everything with a pulse in north philly knows what a CO looks like. Ever tried coming dressed up as a birthday cake to a fat kid convention? It's somethin like that. Bought me a daypass offa some dude tryna make a quick buck, and rode up to the frankford terminal. At the terminal after runnin around like a chicken with his head cut off i found the 84 bus stop. and then from behind i hear a faint " hey CO." I met a dude named Robert, ex-inmate who decided to school me on the hardship of being free but not. Nothings worse than doin somethin dumb, and paying for it. forever. but thats a story for another day. Anyway got to work, it was long. it was long. it was long. I guess the real point to this story was on the way home. After i left from goin to visit my wife, A crowd was walking past me. and i hear "you have a good night officer and your sexy self!" " MMM! he's a CO too! Damn he's lookin good!" <- this was a man. this was a man. this was a man. me: Thank you! and you have a good night too! " Can you tell my son his mother said hi?" me: I'll do so *grunts like solid snake* | | |
| Verbal lacerations incapactiation kill like US nations 'truth' upturns the grave laying in a pool of hope and broken dreams drowning in a sea muther fuckin me damn you to the summer damn you to the peace damn you to the sovereign damn it everything.
sorry im so weak weak because im real real because im blind blind because i feel feel but never think think i need a new lie to get me in truth to tear it out leave it on the ground kick it like you do gift that came from me this is what you do words i cannot find pencils prove no points point id like to make this is how i shout
quiet and subdued in a fuckin rhyme in my fuckin place on my fuckin time this is what is on with an idle mind minding a false idol falsifying life
never ever do i ever ever wanna see the outcome of my every effort cause every effort that ever exert never seems to ever do the fuckin trick [cept one] so~ to whomever ever comes to read this list of angry nights of endlessness sorry that you had to see this but now you probably get the gist of it i work at burger king making flame broiled whoppers i wear paper hats.
P.S. July 06 is when i'll probably be back to the internet and the rest of the world. I'm so tired children. if you > really < need me abmthe3rd@gmail.com is where you can do it. Phone'll probably be off, leave a message if you wanna. I may listen.
the list of what pertains of really - birthday event - if you need someone to talk to [not about me.] -hops on boat- Off to foreign shores.
LOL this probably doesnt mean jack to Xanga like ive been here often. but those who checks this as compared to other things. to sum up your questions. Heartache/ Heartbroken. Goodnight. mr.black
dont ask me how im feeling.
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