ABM's Xanga

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 04:40:08 GMT

[ Thinking about everything ]

I guess thats the best description of my state of being now-a-days. Laying up here with my Macbook Pro, and Mew blasting in my headphones "Sometimes Life isn't easy". You guys sure as hell ain't lie. To say I feel like a car stuck in a ditch would be throwing compliments to that situation. I'd love to blame my outlook on the future on my workplace, but I'd be passing the buck although its shown me the ugliest of people. After the great catastrophe I feel like I've had the life sucked out of me. Everything I cared about, and believed in before is gone.

That's a scary statement, considering what I believed in. The essential good, percervierence, honor, to do right by any means possible, I could go on forever. I gotta art show coming up in December, I can't even muster up enough something to create nothing, let alone make something. It hurts to be in that situation. It's much more than a creative block, it's like. an existance block. I'm not living at the moment, I'm just existing. Floating around aimlessly, no goal, no care. Just like the inmates I oversee in the jail cells. I'm here. Only.

I see many of my friends begining to flourish in their respective fields, going onto higher levels of education, making significant associations with people to further their careers. While I'm stuck in a catacomb of ignorance and bliss. Surrounded by people whos minds only have three settings, Food, Fighting and Sex. Even they appear happy. Locked in a box, whether is the jail cell, or the walls of our workplace. Everyone seems to be content. Everyone but me. I've been so many Darnells over this year, I done forgot which one was Darnell. If any at all.

Is this what I was to amount to? Years of hardwork, and optimism to be thrown away?

I try to take winning with a bit of humility, but losing. Losing I take very hard.
and right now, I'm not winning a damn thing.

Well. Yep ^_^. S'all I got for now ladies and gents.
abmthe[3]rd.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Thu, 23 Apr 2009 16:13:28 GMT

How could he know
This new dawn's light
Would change his life forever?

Set sail to sea
But pulled off course
By the light of golden treasure

Was he the one causing pain
With his careless dreaming?
Been afraid
Always afraid
Of the things he's feeling

He could just be gone
He would just sail on
He'll just sail on

How can I be lost,
If I've got nowhere to go?
Search for seas of gold
How come it's got so cold?

How can I be lost?
In remembrance I relive
And how can I blame you
When it's me I can't forgive?

Metallica > Unforgiven 3

Sunday, February 08, 2009

Sun, 08 Feb 2009 17:12:07 GMT

I hate work.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 01:45:26 GMT

So today I went to work on public transportation in full uniform.
*shakes head*

Dashed out the house for fear of being late, i ran up the block.
partially terrified because everything with a pulse in north philly knows what a CO looks like.
Ever tried coming dressed up as a birthday cake to a fat kid convention? It's somethin like that.
Bought me a daypass offa some dude tryna make a quick buck, and rode up to the frankford terminal.

At the terminal after runnin around like a chicken with his head cut off i found the 84 bus stop.
and then from behind i hear a faint " hey CO."

I met a dude named Robert, ex-inmate who decided to school me on the hardship of being free but not. Nothings worse than doin somethin dumb, and paying for it. forever. but thats a story for another day.

Anyway got to work, it was long. it was long. it was long. I guess the real point to this story was on the way home. After i left from goin to visit my wife, A crowd was walking past me. and i hear
"you have a good night officer and your sexy self!"
" MMM! he's a CO too! Damn he's lookin good!" <- this was a man. this was a man. this was a man.
me: Thank you! and you have a good night too!
" Can you tell my son his mother said hi?"
me: I'll do so *grunts like solid snake*

Kanashiige

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 12:14:00 GMT

Verbal lacerations
incapactiation
kill like US nations
'truth' upturns the grave
laying in a pool of
hope and broken dreams
drowning in a sea
muther fuckin me
damn you to the summer
damn you to the peace
damn you to the sovereign
damn it everything.

sorry im so weak
weak because im real
real because im blind
blind because i feel
feel but never think
think i need a new
lie to get me in
truth to tear it out
leave it on the ground
kick it like you do
gift that came from me
this is what you do
words i cannot find
pencils prove no points
point id like to make
this is how i shout

quiet and subdued
in a fuckin rhyme
in my fuckin place
on my fuckin time
this is what is on
with an idle mind
minding a false idol
falsifying life

never ever do i ever ever wanna see the outcome of my every effort cause
every effort that ever exert never seems to ever do the fuckin trick [cept one]
so~ to whomever ever comes to read this list of angry nights of endlessness sorry that you had to see this but now you probably get the gist of it
i work at burger king making flame broiled whoppers i wear paper hats.

P.S.
July 06 is when i'll probably be back to the internet and the rest of the world. I'm so tired children. if you > really < need me abmthe3rd@gmail.com is where you can do it. Phone'll probably be off, leave a message if you wanna. I may listen.

the list of what pertains of really
- birthday event
- if you need someone to talk to [not about me.]

-hops on boat-
Off to foreign shores.

LOL this probably doesnt mean jack to Xanga like ive been here often. but those who checks this as compared to other things. to sum up your questions. Heartache/ Heartbroken. Goodnight.
mr.black

dont ask me how im feeling.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Sun, 24 Feb 2008 18:50:06 GMT

Took the fire inside
One too many times
He's burning over and out now,
He fails
Up against the raging tides,
No more fights
Everything you ever wanted to see,
See it in his eyes
One more time, one more time

Climb down to test the waters,
My hands feel like they're rusting away yea, yea.
So I'll pace around like a lamb before the slaughter
I'll stay here as long as you let me,
Decisions been made obvious so I will return
Where I started I'll stay there
Unfinished
I'll wither away

Rip them out, take them,
Burn coals as they crush him
Leave nothing
that resembles the soul of a man
See him numb, See him crushed
See him numb, See him crushed
Rip them out, take them
Burn coals as they crush him
Leave nothing
That resembles a soul of a man
Leave him numb, Leave him crushed
Leave him numb, Leave him crushed

Atreyu> the theft

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 13:57:12 GMT

[ First test]

Today i get my first test of this semester ^_^ Whee!
I crammed =/
but thats a lesser of more evils

write more latr

mr.B

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 19:38:15 GMT

http://www.surfthechannel.com/info/documentaries/My_Penis_and_Everyone_Elses_%282007%29/36228/My+Penis+and+Everyone+Else%27s+%282007%29.html

if your a real man, you'll watch this.if your herman, youll make a cock jokeif your jon, you'll make a who likes the men reference.if your omar, you'll say wtf.if your angie, you'll say question my sexualit if your doug, you'll think its funny but interesting

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 16:56:37 GMT

[ half ri- ]

Feels like one of those weeks where nothings gonna go to plan.
but this ones weirder, it'll go to plan. but only some what.
Shit for this week is only gonna be half ri-
It feels like I got alot of decision making and planning to do,
and it needs to be done, now, at this instant, while i'm typing,
and if i'm not doing so then the plan is screwed.
so i guess the plan is screwed. cuz im still typing.

now playing: Acidman: Mawaru, Meguru Sono Kaku e
returing to that moving spinning core

mr.B

QotD

[look most guys just see me as a sex object only and i know that i just cant seem to find the guy who wants me for me, not just for sex]
~Anonymous

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 03:25:22 GMT

[ just a thought ]

I prefer peace
wouldn't have to have one worldy possession
but essentially im an animal so just what do i do with all this aggression?
and I tried everything but suicide
but it's crossed my mind
~Gnarls Barkley